The new management team has revealed that Sam Bankman-Fried (SBF), the company’s founder and now federally indicted ex-wunderkind, actually took pride in the chaos.

“We sometimes find $50m of assets lying around like loose change in the couch; such is life”, SBF quipped in an internal memo about his hedge fund Alameda Research. The former financial prodigy, now facing a federal indictment, added that Alameda was “so hilariously beyond any auditor’s comprehension, it would make their heads spin”.

Bankruptcy filings also emphasise the lack of a proper system for clearing employee expenses, with approvals coming via a digital game of “emoji roulette”.

The filings elaborated: “The debtors did not have the type of disbursement controls that I believe are appropriate for a business enterprise. For example, employees of the FTX Group submitted payment requests through an on-line ‘chat’ platform where a disparate group of supervisors approved disbursements by responding with personalised emojis.”